Who would win?

I think I should start this as a semi-regular-whenever-something-like-this-comes-up segment here on the old blog. It's thought provoking and entertaining and sometimes you need to see a little conflict. I doubt any will be as intense as the epic and controversial battle between Maggie and Stewie, but I guarantee this one is wildly more pointless. More pointless? Whatever. It's way less important.

So here are this segment's contenders:

The Cheeto Jesuses!

On the left, we have what looks like a crucifix Jesus Cheeto from Missouri, and on the right we have a praying? Jesus Cheeto from a youth pastor in Texas around Easter time. I've already discussed my feelings on people who think their snack foods look like things, so I won't get on my snack box and start preaching again. And I'm not even sure in what sense these Cheesuses (dlisted.com's word, not mine) would be fighting because I would imagine that a Jesus vs. Jesus battle would be pretty evenly matched. So let's go with a look-alike contest.

I think they both have their strongpoints. Both look like Jesus in fairly iconic positions, though lefty is probably more recognizable as righty doesn't really look like he's kneeling; it kind of just looks like his legs end at the knee. However, righty does have the street cred being found by a youth pastor on Easter. But here's the downfall with righty: sideways, it looks like a lion. I suppose if you get all Biblical that would also be a plus, but if we're finding Jesus in Cheetos, I'm not sure there's room for multiple layers. Overall, I think lefty really has the overall advantage of being a crucifix. I mean if you eat that Cheesus (sacrelige!), chances are it'll come back in 3 days. It has staying power!

Winner: Crucifix Cheesus