Sunday, February 24, 2008

Religion + Snack Foods = Some Kind of Crazy

So I've really been in the mood to write lately, but nothing really gave me enough fuel to try anything clever or interesting...until just now and this gem of a video. It's not a whole lot to go on, but it will fulfill my need to rant about ridiculous things. Watch it then come back and read the rest of the note.


1) How do people come up with this stuff? I don't know about you, but when I eat pretzels, I don't study them. I have enough studying to do without a thorough examination of my snack foods. When I want to have pretzels, I sit in front of the TV and eat them, sometimes several at a time. I'm not ashamed. That's how you eat junk food. If I happen to notice that one of my pretzels happens to look like something, I think, "Huh, that's neat." and then I eat it. I don't recall ever thinking, "Hey, maybe I'll put this on eBay and make a few grand." And I don't think it's really possible to put one pretzel aside and not eat it. It belongs in your stomach. That's what it was made to do. Relax. Eat your pretzels and don't try to make them into something they're not. That's what clouds are for.

2) Who decided this stuff was appropriate for eBay? I know you can find whatever you want on there, but is there a high demand for food items that look like religious figures? Alright, I take that back, I suppose there is considering people are willing to pay upwards of $10,000 for this crap. Who has $10,000 to spend of a fucking pretzel that you're never going to eat? If i had that kind of disposable income a) I would not waste it on a pretzel from eBay when I can go to the store and pretend my pretzels look like random stuff for 99 cents a bag, and b) I would be a jackass about it and take video of myself eating the damn thing and post that shit on youtube.

3) Does it really look like the Virgin Mary holding Jesus? I suppose it might because it's sitting next to the picture and the smaller top part looks like a head cocked sideways, but suggestion is a very powerful tool. Look at the closeup and tell me it doesn't also look like a snowman with a lasso, or a curled up snake, or, going out on a limb, maybe, just maybe, a deformed pretzel.

4) Does God have nothing better to do than make divine shaped food? "People seem to believe that the Virgin Mary is actually appearing before them." Really? In pretzels? Don't you think she'd take a classier route? Maybe, I don't know, in a church, to a religious person, or the good old days when she appeared before a scenic waterfall in Guadalupe? Are we in such bad shape in America that the only way the heavens can get our attention is through our snack food? I'd like to put a little more faith than that in humanity. But I suppose with the quote this winner gave, my faith is a bit overzealous: "This is authentic. Straight from the heavens, right on eBay."


If this was some kind of sign (other than the dollar type), it was clearly lost on these gentlemen.

No comments: