That's right, The Comfort Wipe. Because scrunching and folding without the extra step of attaching the TP to a stick was JUST TOO HARD! Not since the 1880s has toilet paper improved so dramatically!
Wait. What? What happened in the 1880s that made TP so much better?
Well, being a researcher, I did some research. I learned that paper for this purpose has been around since like the 1300s in China. Elsewhere, non-wealthy people were using a variety of other objects for the purpose including rags, wood shavings, leaves, grass, hay, stone, sand, moss, water, snow, maize, ferns, may apple plant husks, fruit skins, seashells and corn cobs. Yikes. Turns out, most of the TP changing action was happening in the 1870s where the perforated roll was patented by this dude, Zeth Wheeler:
Then Scotts started making the rolls was but embarrassed to put their name on the "sensitive" product. The only activity of the 80s that I found was some other dude patenting the package and manufacturing process. More than you wanted to know right? Well, we're all learning something. Deal with it.But here's the other problem. This commercial claims, and I quote, "The first improvement to toilet paper as we know it since the 1880s." Really Comfort Wipe? You don't think anything great has happened to TP since the packaging and manufacturing process? I, and I think everyone else who have used it since then, would beg to differ, considering 50 years after the 1880s, Northern Tissue started advertising their brand as "splinter-free." I'd say that's an improvement. Not to mention the comforting quilted patterns, scented and lotioned TP, and the fun designs you can get at www.justtoiletpaper.com. (Please go and watch that video too. The guy is WAY too excited about their monogramed TP rolls).
Also, here's the other gem I found. In Ancient Rome, people used sponges on sticks to clean up after they did their business. So let's get this straight. Not only is the Comfort Wipe NOT the first improvement since the 1880s, it's a resurrection of virtually the same idea from ANCIENT ROME. So much for it being a "modern solution."
Finally, I just can't say enough about how much but I LOVE those testimonials. What, exactly, are the obvious advantages to being a big guy? And that lady freaking cracks me up. Let's give her her own commercial for like uppers or something...whatever is making her act like a 1920's starlet from Jersey. Golden.
