Canadians? They're hilarious!

I have experienced the Canadian culture first hand, and cannot tell you how great they are with their politeness and adorable accents and the addition of "eh" to every sentence. It's just so gosh darn cute! But these two lovely people take things to a whole new level with this attempt at a commercial. Since I am a fan of the Canadians as a whole and this entertains me so much, I cannot be mean to them. So like I have done before, I will simply highlight my favorite parts:

"A video movie could improve your life." You know what would improve my life? Oh who am I trying to kid, definitely a video movie.

The amount of cuts in awkward places...like the middle of sentences.

They're advertising their video movie making skills while the background movies look like the Blair Witch Project.

"What about animation?" (The quality of that guy is just, ugh...unbelievably amazing!)

The Loch Ness monster swimming to The Sounds of Kentucky

Sharon's overwhelming enthusiasm throughout, but especially how excited she is that their anniversary is coming up, so they should make a video to send to Fred's mother and f-(check the cue card)-amily

"Who needs a movie?"...When you could have a VIDEO MOVIE!

Here's their website if you need a video movie for your fund raisers, birthday greetings, theatre or stage production, costume parties, family reunions, sporting events, prom night, a special evening out, or selling your house or RV. It's a great...idea!

Who's Smarter Than a 5th Grader?

Clearly not the producers of this CNN Headline News segment about the sexual education program in California. Students will learn about STDs in 5th grade, rape and sexual assault in middle school, and birth control in high school. Don't get me wrong, I understand the use of stock footage to compliment a story, or in this case an interview, but you have to be careful about how this stuff lines up. Watch these clips, maybe you'll see what I mean. The full story is here.

Let's get some stats.

Guess what four little girls on the bench! One of you will get an STD!

What else will the kids be learning about?

Oh, puberty. That's ok. BUT WAIT! What the hell is happening at the end of this clip? Why does it look like this girl is about to be gang banged? GASP! Oh no, I can't talk about that! They can't learn about sexual assault until middle school!

So what are schools and parents to do?

Oh, decision making skills! Of course! Then why does it look like these kids are walking among conjugal visit trailers?

So can the kids protect themselves?

Something else? Like what? Meth? What is going on in those trailers?

Next week on Fox: Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Sex and Drugs Education Edition.

Yeah, you're right. The kids would probably win...

Car trouble, eh?

This is a non-media related post, but I feel I must bestow upon you the story of my adventures that arose from what was supposed to be a simple spring break trip to visit family. Perhaps a solo 7 hour car trip through Canada to Michigan isn't simple, but I've driven longer so I figured I'd be fine. Plus, this family I was visiting (my aunt and uncle) is no obligatory visit; I couldn't wait to get there. I guess I should have seen the trouble brewing from a country away...

I wake up bright and early and hit the road at 8AM, and am making great time. I figure I'm about a couple hours away from MI and decide to go ahead and fill up the gas tank while I'm in Canada, hoping for a favorable exchange rate on the credit card bill. Of course I suspect nothing but the normal routine: get out, pump gas, get in, start car, go. Only, there was a slight snag in that fourth step. Oh, the minor one about where the car's supposed to start? Yeah. That one. Allow me to reenact the situation:

"..." said my car.
"Hmm. That's weird. I'll try again." said me as I turned the key again.
"..." my car replied, having zero reaction to my hopeful thinking.
"Shit." I said after about 9 more exchanges of the above interaction.

Then I take a couple breaths, calm down, and just decide that I'm the only one that can help myself. I go into the gas station and explain to the woman that my car won't start, she asks if I have CAA, I stare at her blankly, she asks if I have AAA, and then I say yes. So I call and they get a tow truck en route. I make phone calls. 1) My dad, 2) My uncle whose house I'm headed to, and 3) My friend at school because I needed a girl to cry to after being an adult.

She calms me down before the tow truck guy arrives. He proceeds to:
1) try the battery, with no result
2) try the starter, with no result
3) try suggestions from my uncle, with no result
4) conclude I must be towed to the Canadian Tire in Ingersoll
5) be the nicest guy in the world to me the entire time

Now I'm super worried because now it has to go to a shop, which has the potential to take the rest of my life to get it fixed. We get there and the tow truck driver talks to the guys in the shop to get me in ASAP. I go into the shop, give them my info, make more calls, same people, same order. Dad freaks out a little, uncle tells me he's already on his way to come get me should my car not be drivable (how amazing is he? for real), friend gives me the entire history of Ingersoll to cheer me up (to sum it up in one word, cheese).

The guys in the shop were amazingly super nice and tell me that they will absolutely get me back on the road today. They figure out the problem was the starter relay, which, apparently is a part in my car. They call a dealer, they have the part, it arrives within 5 minutes, they pop it in, problem solved. Total damage: $131 (Canadian), about 2 hours lost traveling time, knowledge of local Canadian small town culture, and proof to myself that I can handle my own shit.

After losing about another hour at the US border in the line of a guard who clearly hated his job, the world, and everyone in it, and who made me turn off my car, give him the keys, and pop my trunk, I finally made it to my destination, about 11 hours after I left. I then go on to have the most amazingly fun weekend with my aunt and uncle that actually made the whole car debacle just a distant, learning experience memory that I would happily repeat to have that much fun with them again.

Moral of the story: If you're ever in a jam, call a Canadian for help. They will be super nice and their accent is super adorable too. Lesson, learned.

Why I voted in Ohio...

Here's what I love about where I vote in Ohio.



CNN talks about how the Southwest area is so Republican, but when they use their fancy technology to color in the counties of Ohio, something very interesting happens. See that lonely little blue county north of Cincinnati and west of Columbus? Pretty much the only blue county in the western half of the state? That's mine. That's where my vote counts. Maybe it didn't really matter in the last 2 elections as Ohio still went red, but I'm happy knowing that I did my part and at least my county was blue. And that's why I'll keep voting absentee, despite the cost.

As Ohio goes, so goes the nation. Hopefully, the blue counties like mine will lead Ohio and the nation in a new direction.

Can you say "schadenfreude"?

Because that's what FOX should change their name to. I am blaming this as the reason I cannot stop watching Moment of Truth. That show should just change its name to Divorce Court...or team up with it in a special "Where are they now?" follow-up episode to this week's Moment of Truth.

It was a special highly controversial episode "you weren't supposed to see" (ironic since it was its first night without the American Idol lead in). In fact, the episode was preceded by an announcement by host Mark Walberg, who said if he had a choice, he wouldn't have aired the episode. He also tells us that "the truth is often not pretty. So here it is." We are further enticed to stay tuned to this episode with the promise that Lauren will "take the truth too far" and "destroy her marriage," these quotes being repeated before every commercial break.

As we get to know her, we find out that she's been married to a cop for 2 years, and the questions are focused on her past deviant behavior, including stealing, flashing strangers just for fun, and how close she is with her family. And after about 20 minutes when she said "I don't care about the money. I really just feel better getting this off my chest" we really should have known that something was about to go down. These are the questions she answers "yes" to truthfully :
"Have you ever pretended to be asleep to avoid having sex with your husband?"
"Do you blame your husband for your lack of close friends?"
"Have you ever taken off your wedding ring to appear as if you were single?"
"Do you believe you might have been in love with a former boyfriend on your wedding day?"
(Special guest for the next two: her ex-boyfriend)
"If I told you I wanted to get back together with you, would you leave your husband?"
"Do you believe I'm the person you should be married to?"
"Since you've been married have you ever had sexual relations with anyone other than your husband?"

But here comes the kicker. After answering "yes" to all those questions, this comes up next:

"Do you think you're a good person?"

Again she answers yes. This time though, it's false. But the placement and the fact that the show knew she lied about this the first time, can really only lead to this conclusion:

FOX is an evil genius. It knows exactly what it's doing with every show it makes. I hate it for the evil, but I just can't help loving it for the genius.

Is it possible to feel schadenfreude for yourself?

You can't pull this on me...I'm in law!

Ok, it's just media law, but we have the same Constitution printed in our book. And according to that, Amendment 24 to be exact, "The right of citizens to of the United States to vote in any primary or other election for President...shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or any State by reason of failure to pay any toll or other tax."

Apparently, this only applies if you're voting in person. I just voted absentee in the Ohio primary, and this is what happened. First I paid $.41 to send in the application. Then, I paid another $.97 to send in my completed ballot. That's $1.38, friends. And I'll do it again in November, raising the total to $2.76. I realize this is not a lot, but it's the principle of the thing. As I live 9 hours away from home and want to stay a registered Ohio voter, I would have been denied the right to vote for failure to pay the postage toll, or, if I went the other way, the roughly $120 in gas money to go home and back.

It was my first primary vote as well as my first absentee vote. I love to vote and I love living in a state where the outcome really impacts the election. I feel like I should be able get reimbursed or something, even though I know this will never happen and I understand why. It just doesn't feel right. If you're going to let people vote absentee, they should get the same protection that in-person voters have from poll taxes, no matter what form they take.

NBC, why are you trying to become Fox?

It's unnecessary. There's enough crap on TV, you don't need to add to it.

They have a new show called "My Dad's Better Than Your Dad." Since when did schoolyard taunts become topics for reality shows? I can't wait for "I'm Rubber and You're Glue" or maybe "Four-Square, the Ultimate Championships." Wow those are horrible ideas. They're stupid and ridiculous and trashy and wouldn't be run by any self-respecting network unless there was the smallest possibility of profit and...ummm, I have to go...I need to go call Fox.